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Poison Reverse

by American Trappist

/
1.
Far from the edge I’m lost Taking my necklace off Making a pact with loss to never be whole Closer to death again Willing myself back in Begging for punishment And I want to grow old someday Giving myself away I won’t make the same mistakes back on the ground But what if my debt outweighs whatever the future pays And whoever collects these days starts asking around?
2.
Seg Fault 04:02
I kiss the ivory and piss away my person Is it good? Is it like me to taste of apathy and roses? So many times I’ve been close to the surface Before I changed my mind Out of love getting drunk with no purpose Come and collect me It’s only temporary Waiting in this body More am I sedentary She walks behind me For if I lose my bearing Once more to remind me I’m not alone with nothing to lose So many times I’ve been close to the surface Before I changed my mind Out of love getting drunk with no purpose
3.
I want to I need you And if it’s gonna be one or the other I won’t cross the old gods The old guards of the natural order The same lie you won’t buy When they pedal mercy for murder How’s it feel when you hear it now? That both of us should be everything we ever wanted for ourselves It’s baseless It’s reckless to suggest it’s one or the other Shapeless Rejected Pitting us against one another I want to I need you And if it isn’t ours to discover It’s weightless if you let it If you need it You can get it How’s it feel when you hear it now? That both of us should be everything we ever wanted for ourselves But you and I want the same thing
4.
Salt in the wound Head in the sand Feet to the fire Again and again It’s never been good It’s never been wrong It’s never been easy To think of you now out on your own And if you’re lonely you’re not alone There’s never been time to say how I’m feeling Swallowing doubt at the end of the day Taking my life back Giving my love away You called me again from the side of the road Dead in the hand of a broken hope And holding my breath I stayed on the line I want you to know Wherever you are Whatever the cost is of falling apart It’s nothing compared to letting it kill you Swallowing doubt at the end of the day Dressing an old wound in a new way Now we’re talking it out but there’s nothing left to say Taking my life back Giving my love away
5.
Temple Song 06:14
Because I wrote it on the wall Because we dared to have it all Because it held me where it hurts Because in spite of what you’ve heard There’s a price for letting go There’s a reason people don’t When you finally shed your skin And find it buried deep within Up from the ground Tear it all down if you have to Damn my timing The world was mine then Now when I get reminded I want another one But I won’t stop trying to find some pride again If I can help remembering how close I was to giving up Because I’m still alive and I wanna dive in It’s not enough surviving I want to break the spell I’m gonna kiss the memory in the darkest part of me I’m gonna leave the light on for everybody else
6.
7.
Lamentations 03:44
Till I convince myself that you’re on my side Till I can’t keep track when I’m looking back It’s gonna hurt sometimes But that’s loving baby I only mean one thing when I wear that ring It’s an endless pool And the water is cool You know I had my doubts But now I can’t get out I want to promise you But it would never come true I’ll stop changing when- Then I’ll change again Every moment I tried to be a little more like- And I held her breath deep within my breast It’s gonna hurt sometimes But that’s living baby I’ve only got one chance to bet our love against It’s an endless pool And the water is cool You know I had my doubts But now I can’t get out I want to promise you But it would never come true I’ll stop changing when- Then I’ll change again Till I convince myself that you’re on my side Till I can’t keep steady waiting for you to be ready It’s gonna hurt sometimes It’s gonna take your time It’s gonna break your mind when it starts to unwind It’s an endless pool And the water is cool You know I had my doubts But now I can’t get out I want to promise you But it would never come true I’ll stop changing when- Then I’ll change again There’s a pale light growing on a face that I’ve known In the space between all my memories And you hold me and say, “That’s a promise, baby” “You’re like heaven to touch, and I love you so much”
8.
Orlando 02:19
Orlando, what’s it gonna take to let go? Bathing in the light of the window Now we both know You’re certain Ready to put the work in Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when You’re drawing the curtain Orlando, what’s it gonna take to let go? Wading in the river shallow Now we both know You’re breaking One hundred years in the making Everything is yours for the taking You and I want the same thing
9.
Heaven forbid me Down in the country Fearing the ending Just how you want me Tending the vision Yours to position Running on empty War of attrition But I’m not angry, how could I be? If it was ever really up to me And you had just told me what it is you need I would have let you watch me bleed Splitting the difference Getting some distance Bearing the history Gathered from inference Tell me the worst thing you want when you’re hurting Deep in the evening When nothing is stirring I won’t ask to see you again I won’t tell anyone that we’re still friends Whatever you make it I’m sure I can take it If it’s easy on your broken heart But I’m not angry, how could I be? If it was ever really up to me And you had just told me what it is you need I would have let you watch me bleed
10.
Lipstick 03:10
All dolled up on the Frankford strip I need a reason to live and I’m getting it In every color in every shade Out under cover a different shape It’s the way to be I was born another kind Given a name I could hide behind But I see them running wild up on east Girard I’m putting on my face in the dark It’s the way to be Tell me lover can you understand I’m just the same as I’ve always been It’s the way to be And there’s no changing my story now Broke my heart and it all fell out It’s the way to be
11.
Heavy is the irony of paying close attention Better to not anticipate the blow These nights I cry I’d rather die than face an intervention Fragile is the devil that I know Oh, it’s a funny thing What will the future bring? I look around but nobody’s laughing All the things you fear the most won’t summon that unholy ghost It’s only when you’re getting close to letting go There’s structure in the emptiness There’s dignity in loneliness And comfort in the devil That I know Oh it’s a funny thing What will the future bring? I look around but nobody’s laughing If only I could close the door on what I didn’t know before But it’s over and I can’t let it off Oh it’s a funny thing What will the future bring? I look around but nobody’s laughing

credits

released June 9, 2023

Tracked at Miner St Studios in Philadelphia, PA
Engineered, Mixed by Matt Poirier
Mastered by Alan Douches at West West Side Music
Songs by Joe Michelini
Arranged, Produced, Performed by Joe Michelini, Lewie II, Shane Luckenbaugh, Max Kulicke
Artwork by Josh Gilman

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American Trappist Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The American Trappist is a non-binary multidisciplinary artist, producer, and developer based in the greater Philadelphia area.

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